Family: (noun) middle English (familie) from Latin (familia ; household) A group of individuals living under one roof (household) of common ancestry(clan) united by certain convictions or a common affiliation (fellowship)
So I know you all got off without having to listen to my long Christmas dinner toast thisy ear so I decided to do it electronically instead. It doesn’t matter so much what I say but rather that I actually say something.
While I was thinking about how I was going to go about this and what I was going to say I got to thinking about my Grandfather and the impact he had upon my life and hence the impact he has had on everyone around me. I thought about the times he was living in and the values he held and how, by example he taught me how to be in this world.
As I thought about this I began to realize what a wonderful time I live in. I am able to reach into a past that my grandchildren will only be able to think is a fairy tale, but that is as relevant now and in the future as it has ever been.
The main thing my Grandfather instilled in me was the knowledge that I was accepted into his family and that I belonged somewhere. And that got me thinking about the family that I now belong to and what definition I would come up with to explain what it means, so here goes:
Family (verb) A group of individually unique characters living with and around each other by accident or by design, sometimes because they want to and sometimes because they have to, trying to get their needs met and their hopes realized, all the while being witnessed by the group at large so that what we achieve individually in life seems real.
I choose to define the family as a verb because that’s how I view it. A family is constantly in motion, new members are being added, existing members are busy coming and going, others are leaving permanently… The one thing that stays intact is the shared memories we have as a collective, the joy’s, the pain, the triumph’s, the losses, the pride, the embarrassments, the laughter, the tears.
We share similar experiences with friends but the main difference that I see is that a family is somewhere that you can always come back to and be accepted. We often take this for granted and look upon family as a liability to our growth, when in actuality it is the foundation of it.
It is The place we go to lick our wounds when some of our endeavors go south, where we share our successes with people who know how much we sacrificed to obtain them, a place of safety where our differences are accepted and our uniqueness encouraged. The one constant in a life of constant change that never ceases to be there for us and passes on seamlessly from one generation to the next in spite of the individuals that make up its present state.
We are the present stewards of this family and it is our turn to shape and affect how this family functions on our watch. It is up to each of us as to how open, loving. caring, accepting, sharing, nurturing and all encompassing it stays in order for it to meet our needs. The family will carry on in spite of us, and like the people that came before us and tried to make it better for the next generation, it is my hope that we can build on this and pass it forward.
I began this letter by talking about my Grandfather. As a young child he lived across the road from me and whenever I visited him he would stop what he was doing and make time for me, he would include me in whatever he was doing, and he made me feel special. As I grew into a teenager I took my Grandfather's presence in my life for granted. I thought he would always be there and that I would have time later to see him. I did not treat him with the respect he deserved and before I could apologize for my behavior, he died.
Even though my actions were less than honorable, my Grandfather's legacy lived on through the children he raised; my aunts and uncles still accepted me as part of the family and forgave me and treated me with respect and taught me one of life’s greatest lessons: the act of forgiveness.
That is what family’s do for one another, they hold you accountable for your actions, and forgive you for your transgressions. We are not perfect but we are accepted in the family warts and all.
And this brings me to the point of all this: Families work because of what we do in them, not who we are in them. Family is a verb. I would like to take this time to thank each and every one of you for being part of the family that I belong to. You all make up part of the mosaic of my life and define who I am. You have taught me humility in my arrogance, acceptance in my intolerance, joy in my pain, sharing in my pettiness, trust in my distrust, understanding in my ignorance, encouragement in my fear, patience in my haste, in short I am more of a whole person than I ever could have been on my own. You challenge me to become more enlightened each and every day. Merry belated Christmas everyone and all the best in 2009, grab a loved one and give them a random act of hugging for no apparent reason as we all need to know that we are unconditionally loved and that we belong.
Love to you all
John Martineau
Founder of I Am Albertan
